If only in my dreams...

Feliz Navidad

It's been interesting seeing the Lord's hand in my life and how much happier people are during Christmas. I've been to temple square to see the Christmas lights and nativity scene more times than I can count. Great for people watching! (If you need to find free parking in good walking distance I now know where to go so you don't have to park at the capital building) There was one time after a Christmas concert that I really enjoyed watching what was going on under me in the assembly hall. The singers ran back to their families. One older gent was holding his new grand baby with a look of profound glee like he got the first present under the tree. Then there was an older lady who was stooped and not dressed up like everyone else. She quietly walked to a seat in the front that was empty and just had the biggest look of gratitude on her face. She came just to hear the songs about Christ. No family- no friends. I was debating if she was homeless or not. After the concert she stayed there smiling and alone while the boisterous families walked past her. I didn't know her story but I could see how sincere she was. She looked like she considered Jesus Christ to be her best friend.

It made me realize just how much I was taking my blessings for granted. Even though my family may be apart right now it isn't like things will stay that way forever.  


Let me explain

This was my first Christmas away from home and although I still would have preferred to be with my family, I didn't get BRONCHITIS!! Oh the memories of Christmas' past.

At least we were all together that Christmas though. One day we won't have to choose between health and family

As my Dad is well aware our family is scattered all across the world this season! Nick is in Germany with the Army, Stephanie and Ariel just moved to Georgia, I just moved to Salt Lake City and Dad and Diamond Belle are in San Antonio. I bet our logic was if we spread the Handy family out enough we can spread the awesome throughout the world more effectively. Yeah, that was it.

As long as we have each other we don't need to be in Texas! And now all the siblings have access to snow so we can beat it with a baseball bat in an emotional rage!Am I right? eh? eh?

Still it is hard not being there and rolling out the duct tape, lighting the fire without lighter fluid and other fun memories that just make us sound crazy but are really fun.

I've been tremendously blessed today because the weather is WARM. I was so worried I was going to break my streak of no white Christmases. 42 degrees and all sun today. The snow melted completely yesterday and it has been so lovely. Because of a cold front in San Antonio it actually evened out to about the same temperature. Heavenly Father loves me, I think it is supposed to snow a lot for new years.

My roommate Susie adopted me into her family this year and I went to her Sister and Brother-in-law's for the holiday. We tracked Santa all night. And they went to bed by the time he hit NYC just in case. Everyone knows Santa doesn't visit kids who are still awake.

I told Susie and co. a Christmas story and was quite in awe of the illustrations. Yes, that little girl IS having a tea party with a bear, reindeer, and rabbit. They then build the biggest best snowman because you're never too small to do great things if you try your best and have friends... in case you were wondering

This was followed by a massive wrapping party and old movie party. Finally saw the end of White Christmas and the entirety of Miracle on 34th Street. My favorite part is when Mr. Macy decides to testify in court that he believes in Santa. Oh yeah, and Doris and Mr. Gayle fall in love in the end. I love that everything seems right in the world in these movies.

Photo-bombing family pictures is a past time of mine :-)

 Susie might kill me for this but her bumble bee song cracked me up every time. She brought her mother a bumble bee and then smushed it. This was her face after she smushed him.










Christmas morning we were awoken by a very excited Cody who wanted us to come open our stockings. It was only 8:30 bless his heart. He must have really been holding back.

I haven't been around a bunch of small children for Christmas in a while. Note the glee

We had fun opening presents and BOY HOWDY there were so many freakin presents! Haha Cooper got tired of opening in the very beginning. It reminded me of Ariel last year.

Susie spoke with Stephanie and tried to recreate the awesome duct tape tradition. I was not on my A-game today. That is all I have to say about that. 

 

Oh, and thanks for the new awesome purse dad!

It smells like fresh cow :-)

Speaking of cows my sister prepared for me a small package meant to brighten my life.

This is Mozzerella. She is a member of the Moofia.

Yes, you heard me right.

She sleeps on my bed now and beats the crap out of bullies who steal milk money from little kids.

She then gives the milk money back to the wee bitty ones so they can drink the milk and get bigger and stronger and beat the crap out of bullies on their own. Brings the whole teach a man to fish story to a whole new level huh?

She might be moving to my lab soon to beat up any meanies I may find there.

That's how my big sister looks after me yessiree bob. With a tommy gun and a cow suit.

But if you think I loved my presents let me show you what true joy is:

He later told us he would love it forever and keep it to give to his kids because then it would be as if he still had it. He would also have a ton of kids.

This little number was also very poop-ular with the kids

And so was the Driedal that Suzie gave me.

Hours of fun I am telling you. HOURS OF FUN!

It truly has been great, but like I said, I do miss my family. I got a call from Germany today and my Dad said he is giving Diamond Belle a Christmas present of a bath. Poor sausage doggy.

If there is one thing I would like to give to my family it is this message that I love them. They are one of my greatest gifts.

The one good thing about being able to be away from my family- if there is one- is that I have had so much more time to concentrate on other people instead of myself. I mean I can either focus on being alone up here or actually go out and do something right? I love my Savior and am so happy to celebrate His birth and life. Because of the way he lived his life and the power of his atonement I don't have to be alone. He knows me and loves me. He loves my family. I don't know anything else that is as comforting as that. Merry Christmas friends and family! I'll see you all very soon!

What I've been up to...

Once upon a time I enjoyed to read...but that was before high school.  Heart of Darkness Joseph Conrad and The Stranger Albert Camas just sucked all the joy out of all that was good in the world of literature. Good grief, just the thought of existentialism still makes me shudder. 

Existentialists just need to jump in a pool of sunshine and stop thinking

I have since learned that text books made good pillows and math people just don't know how to write. (I'm looking at you Gardner. You truly made math its own language)

However

Since I'm still waiting to start my job I have nothing but time to do great things like read into the wee bitty hours of the morning!! So I will share with you the joys of what I have found this summer and very recently.

For all my microbiology friends I decided to take Dr. Johnson's challenge and read this:

Basically it was thought provoking and made me realize that I don't need to be a scientist...because they are jerks. Really big jerks. Don't worry to all my science friends you don't have to lose your souls. Oh yeah and I couldn't put it down after he went to cure yellow fever. Heart wrenching!! Bah.

Then I started reading this and realized how freakn awesome Maurice Hilleman was. And how much I loved vaccines.

 And then I realized I was a wee bit obsessed with the history of microbiology...

                                                    

and now I checked this out from the library:

The Cutter Incident: How America's First Polio Vaccine Led to the Growing Vaccine Crisis -Also by Dr. Paul A. Offit is going to come after that.

I've also started reading Swallow the Ocean: a memoir by Laura Flynn. It was a little too disturbing close to home and poorly written for me to finish reading. Another bad idea was checking out I am the Central Park Jogger from the library. For those unfamiliar with this incident like I was it's about a horrific event that happened to a female jogger in central park and how she came to terms with it and rebuilt her life. I had nightmares. I much prefer this book I am now 75% complete with:

"To John, for convincing me that everyone who is interesting has a past."

Another really good one I learned about this summer was by Viktor E. Frankl 

This book was about how people found hope and held on to it through their time in the concentration camps. If that isn't encouraging I don't know what is.

And then there was that one more required book that I had to finish. The infamous

 ...Except while you are waiting for something to happen and you know... FALL APART it doesn't. And you keep reading thinking maybe in the next chapter. And you keep going until finally you hit the last few chapters in a 200 something page book. Then things fell apart. And I felt empty and cheated through 180 pages of build up. 

The current library books I have are, besides The Glass Castle:

• Hope in Our Hearts by Russel M. Nelson

• Broken Things to Mend by Jeffrey R Holland

(Side note on books by LDS General Authorities: At least these ones that I have read are just a compilation of talks they have already given. Which was really cool for easy access but not what I expected)

• The Age of Reason by Thomas Paine

• The World According to Mr. Rogers: Important Things to Remember 

(Another side note: I really didn't appreciate all that Mr. Rogers did when I watched his shows. He really was a great man) 

• Achieving Your Life Mission by Randal A. Wright

(I just saw this sitting on a friend's bed and it has been amazing. I highly recommend it)

• Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high by Kerry Patterson
• Influencer: The power to change anything by Kerry Patterson

(These were recommended highly by a friend and I took the challenge. When I first read the titles I was skeptical but it actually looks like it will be good for me. Go figure) 

Then there are these two that I have been slowly reading all summer-they are more thought provoking books

• The Peace Giver: How Christ offers to heal our hearts and homes by James L. Ferrell
• The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis

Oh yeah one more flop that I read or skim-read and lost IQ from:

Don't judge me! I was lured in by the hilarity of it all!  

"Elizabeth hopes to renew her relationship with Darcy, but his aunt, the Lady Catherine, interferes, insisting that her daughter Anne is a better match for her nephew. Lady Catherine challenges Elizabeth to a fight to the death, intent on eliminating the competition, but Elizabeth defeats Catherine and her cadre of ninjas. She spares Catherine's life. Darcy is touched by this gesture, and he returns to Elizabeth. The two cheerfully wipe out a field of zombies (their first battle as a couple) and begin a long and happy future together, insofar as the ever-present threat of zombie apocalypse permits it."

I was lured in by zombie apocalypse!! But it turns out although it appealed to that 12 year old side of me, it was like a 12 year old boy mashed in as much gore and ridiculous violence as he could every other paragraph. My IQ dropped. At one point while fighting ninjas Elizabeth strangles one with his own colon after disemboweling him. Over kill much? I blame it for at least 2 months of my failure in the job market.

Oh the joys of reading for fun again. :-) Brings a skip to my step and a smile to my face. You would know that if I ever left the house and stopped reading during the day...probably

Since I know my life is going to be turned upside-down as soon as I start working and I won't be able to indulge in reading I'm putting a list of books I still want to read here. For future reference that is...

• The Life of Pi Yann Martel
• Three Cups of Tea Greg Mortenson
• The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time Mark Haddon 
  
• The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society Mary Ann Shaffer     
• The Princess Bride
• A biography on Isaac Newton. This guy's a science BEAST!

Any more books that I should add to this list?  It's kind of interesting to see the journey I've been through this past year just based on the books I have decided to read. Pretty good indication on where I have been. Huh, go figure.

Woohoo! I got a job and I love it from the bottom of my spleen!

 Because this is a high demand job and I was interviewed two weeks ago I thought it was time to start applying to more jobs- which is what I was doing when Dr. Weis offered me the position today.

I was trying to cover my emotion while I was still on the phone but I'll admit...I got teary-eyed. Then I called my dad and bust out the celebratory Nutella!Not even a BLIZZARD can get me down!


And now the adventure story:

       My second Sunday at church was a fast Sunday. Testimony meeting was grand especially when Laura some how tied in gene numbers to acne and a testimony. Between that and Angela talking about Elder Holland shouting Don't you understand?! over the pulpit (which she recreated brilliantly) I began to feel better about the ward. There was even a marriage proposal! They mean business here. Anyway, I thought I would be brave and sit next to someone I didn't know in Relief Society so I sat next to Laura. Just the kind of quirky science person that makes a girl feel right at home.As we were talking she was giving me interview advice when I learned that low and behold she is a PhD student for Dr. Weis! That took the edge off my nerves and I hit up that interview with new determination. So I was told to go to the Eccles building and his office was on the first floor. I could park at Huntsman or the hospital or there was a parking garage that connected to the building if I could find it. Well the U of U is huge and includes a medical school so I thought my odds of getting lost would decrease if I just parked at the easiest target. When I made it to Huntsman the conversation went something like this:

"Visitor or patient"

"Neither...I was told I could park here to go to the Eccles building"

"You have to be a visitor or patient to park here"

"What if I walk through the building on my way there" Awkward smile...

Stone-faced. "No"

"Can I go through to turn around at least?"

Gate raises.

Alright, so that failed and I have ten minutes before I need to be there...I guess I'll try and park at the University Hospital then (fingers crossed). And they do allow free guest parking there!! I even found a spot next to an elevator to ensure that I would not forget where I parked. I may or may not have done that in the past...in the conference center parking lot...and was lost for 15 or 20 minutes.

Anyway, for those of you familiar with the "U" practically everything is named "Eccles" I looked it up on-line the night before to see that it was named Emma Eccles Jones Medical Research Building. So after exiting the hospital having my map of campus out and considering myself mostly lost, I ran over to two police officers in a patrol car. I took them completely off guard and they had no idea where the building was. They looked at me like I was crazy. It wasn't until after I walked away I noticed there was someone in the backseat of their vehicle wearing a bright orange jumpsuit. Oops. Imagine my joy after walking up hills and around buildings when I see the tiny Emma Eccles Jones building!

It was 5 after the hour and I was in a hurry to find the place. I walked all around the 1st floor of that building. They were all labs and walk in fridges! Only one professor had a labeled office. At this point I was thinking "Seriously? I JUST WANT A JOB!!!" So I walked into his lab and asked where he was. Obviously he was in the back and to the right. Obviously.


I was so proud of myself for finally finding the place that I didn't care he was on the phone. The interview went pretty well and he said the first test was to see if I could find the place. I don't think he was kidding... He told me about the research and what he expected from a lab tech. I thought he just wanted a "dish washer" but no. Glory be! I would be allowed to throw myself into research like a grad student without the classes! At the end he said he thought I would be terrific for the position but he had to interview a few more candidates. I walked out of there on cloud 9.

Would I have any problem working with mice?    Chortle.
Am I a PETA rep in disguise?     Um...not that I am aware.
Apparently that had happened a while back with the monkey labs. I'm told that those monkeys are treated really well- much better than the poor and homeless.

(As a side note for those of you unfamiliar with animal treatment in laboratories we take their sacrifice very seriously. Go check out IACUC if you have any problems.)

He joked about me coming from super conservative BYU and how he was more liberal than that. Apparently the job will be available if those tea party members don't get control of the government. Otherwise all American science will stop and the Chinese will take over research. So if that happens I will be out of a job but isn't the future great?

This lab reminds me of the great times I had working with Dr. O'Neill and Dr. Bundy at BYU.  I'm so grateful to finally have a job! It's times like this when I reflect and notice two things about God.
1) He has a great sense of humor
2) He really is my loving Heavenly Father and is watching over me



So, celebrate with me by learning about what I'm going to study!

"  Our laboratory studies the interfaces between the innate and acquired immune responses. We take a genetics approach, using the mouse as a model system, to decipher molecular and cellular interactions.

      One current focus in the lab includes the maturation and differentiation of B cells with the intent to identify key transcription control proteins that regulate this process. Mouse B cells enter the spleen from the bone marrow requiring a number of maturation steps to insure they are competent to respond to antigen following an infection. These immature B cells must negotiate through a series of differentiation checkpoints, requiring transcriptional induction and suppression of key target genes. We have identified a number of transcriptional control proteins that are up regulated and down regulated during this stage of B cell development. To define their roles in B cell function, we have created and are analyzing lines of mice that lack these gene products in maturing B cells, or inappropriately maintain their expression during B cell maturation.

       Another project in the lab has been to study the structure, expression and function of a set of mouse proteins known as the complement receptors. These proteins are critical for controlling complement activation during immune reactions and serve to assist in the production of the full range of B cell products. Inappropriate expression of such proteins (such as engineered mouse anomalies or human deficiencies) can give rise to a range of symptoms including autoimmunity, susceptibility to natural infections and a degraded antibody response. We have created strains of mice either deficient in such proteins (deficiency of the two major CD21 gene products) or with engineered germ line mutations that result in either mutant protein production or inappropriate expression. We have also created mice that only make one or the other of the two major isoforms of the CD21 proteins. We are currently analyzing such mice and are defining previously unknown feedback pathways that are regulated by this set of proteins.

         Another project in the lab focuses upon defining the maturation steps T cells take in positive and negative selection within the thymus, focusing upon the role of the Snai3 transcription factor on the gen eration and function of CD8+ cytotoxic T cells. Snai3 is a transcriptional repressor, blocking expression of key genes within the lineage of these cells. Our goals in this project are to identify the gene targets for this factor and define the pathways of cell activation controlled by Snai3" Dr. Weis' Research Lab Department of Pathology University of Utah


And if that seemed rather boring and you skipped through it here is a good overview for you! For the record that whole website it awesome. I used it to teach a review session once in general microbiology (tear wipe) so fun.

If you are the more hands on learning type:
Use the immune system cells to BLAST away infection with General Macrophage!

Or if you could really care less than here is a picture book for children that will explain some things. It sounds epic to me.

"When our hero Pox, a young Chickenpox germ finds himself in the germ academy, he finds out that infecting is not really for him! Try as Pox might, he just can't work up the enthusiasm for sickness that his classmates - Snot, Rash, Pus and Scab - so obviously feel for the task. And when Pox is sent to ruin Myrtle's birthday, things don't work out as planned for Myrtle, Pox or indeed his horrible classmates. A fantastic and utterly bizarre picture book by the incomparable Ross Collins."

From what I gather from the website they are supposed to infect little Myrtle on her birthday but instead they enter Myrtle's dog and get the stuffing knocked out of them by little doggy macrophages. With friends like Snot, Rash, Pus and Scab who needs enemies gee whiz. I'm not even going to start about how horribly inaccurate this is! BAH! Varicella Zoster Virus could freakn' care less about who it infects! Theys infectin EVERYBODY!

Cough cough. Alright

On second thought, I think I can actually see this causing nightmares in young children so in the future I think I will stick to good ole fashion The Magic School Bus. One day I'll be a teacher like Ms. Frizzle :-)

What have I been doing in Utah besides looking for jobs you may wonder?

Wonder no more.

Sub for Santa 5k!!

A Run with Jen

So starts a typical "I just moved back to Utah during the start of winter" run. After driving through the scattered hail storms I arrived at Sugar House Park. It was a fantastic day in the park complete with background music from the Beatles (Here comes the sun)

Depending on which direction you looked the weather changed

I made sure to put the geese, pigeons, and ducks in my direct path (they almost didn't move)

And then I climbed this mountain. Just kidding!

My legs felt like lead so I did some hill intervals and...

Swing-set cross training! Maybe it is time to admit running is more of a mental break for me

I ran passed Highland High's (one of the best teams this season) football field. That is the one they play their games on.

Time out.

Let us do a comparison with my high school football field

Utah: where people focus on things other than football

Running is my mood booster and I love it even in crazy weather. I even had time to do a little yoga in the mud before I went home before running to my next activity.

Basically, this blog post is to encourage my Dad to get out and run. You think my sense of adventure comes from my youthful recklessness? I assert that it is genetic.


Example 1: After driving for a day across country we arrive at Mecca Moab Utah home of all that is outdoorsy and adventuresome. Shall we stop at Arches National Park before going another 6 or so hours in the car? Absolutely.

Even though he complained the whole way (to all my friends ever past, present, and future may blessings rain down upon you for dealing with me) he was optimistic and took so many pictures!

"Look I'm not dead yet!"

He kept up with me!

 Did my 60 year old dad really make it all the way to delicate arch? I'll let him tell you.

VICTORY!

Example 2: His pre-agreement to run the Resolution Run on Jan 1st with me in Round Rock. A measly 3 miles. Pets and strollers allowed.  Show yourself what Handy men are made of! Kick diabetes/high blood pressure/depression/lack of motivation to the freakin' CURB!

Diamond Belle and other family members agree with me.

I am right and you know it.

Do it.


And stop drinking so your organs won't shut down.

Love you Dad!

My Awesome Workout Plan!!

So this morning while studying in the BoM, I read about how the Nephites became very wicked because they allowed Satan to have power over them. (Hel 6:21-35) After recognizing this in my own life I started my day determined to tell Satan to shove off. Would I listen to the lies and discouragement? No! I’m going to believe God! Immediately my mind went back to General Conference. 

“How was conference for you Kyle?”

 “It was great! I learned to grab Satan by the balls and not take his shiz any more.”

…which is what I learned too! Yay for empowerment! 

Speaking of empowerment I ran a lovely 5 miles today which included being lost for a mile! It was absolutely fantastic. I highly recommend it.  I will now divulge unto the internet my secrets for running success:

1. Running and exercising are between you and your body. Listen to your body. Comparing is bad.

Example: Jen and her new roommates

Jen the Marshmallow and Super Roommate Working out

I started out rough yesterday- something about the pains of moving and living 4000 feet higher than I did a week ago… but hey my body has been better than this before! DO IT AGAIN NOW!! It sure is easier to see how ridiculous I’m being when I look at it like that huh?  

Speaking of comparing… just don’t do it. Ever.

Perhaps I should just let this motivate me?

I met two more of my roommates when they came home for lunch. They went straight to the leafy greens and herbs. When speaking with one of them later about how intimidating it was she wisely said “You assume we don’t have weaknesses. Super Roommate once finished off a whole ice cream cake by herself.” While that ice cream cake ended up being eaten over the course of a week and I could have easily taken it out sooner the point stood out. Everyone has struggles with something. 

2. Stay motivated and remember why you run 

I run because it helps me be free. I get to explore. Today I got to pet a horse that walked up to the sidewalk while I ran by. He looked at me like he was saying “Hey, hey come back. I’m a horse and I’m awesome.” I couldn’t resist even though horses scare me.

I also get to race against myself. Who is the competition? The biggest pansy I know, but a very stubborn pansy she is. It’s a good game.

So sure, I also work on running journals, use mapmyrun.com, and research and establish a training schedule for my marathon goals. These things are really important but without these first two steps I may as well get a new goal. Running is 90% mental and 10% physical after all. I swear that statistic applies to life as well. So if I let Satan into my mind all the sudden I am obsolete. Not today! I recommend reading through general conference so you can also stop listening to the discouragement and doubts about yourself or rather recognize the shiz and put it where it belongs- out of your mind. 

As a disclaimer: I consider all my roommates as my friends and Kyle is one of the coolest people I know. 

Also this is an actual sighting of the pansy with super roommate. I think the representation is pretty accurate.

And Thus we See...

          That phrase is going to haunt me for at least several more months...Speaking at Stake Conference may be one of the scariest things I've ever done. To make it even more of a crazy experience when I went to print out my talk this morning none of the printers in my house were working! So I was the first speaker and was late. Bless the stake presidency! At first I just trotted along. Bishop Shuel saw me and said: Shouldn't you be in there? Walk a little faster! Then I saw Carrie running out to me saying the meeting had already started. That's when I started sprinting. Brother Facer met me at the door with a look of relief and I walked in at the middle of the opening hymn. My heart was beating faster than a scared rabbit bein' chased by a 'coon! Conveniently they had two people bear their testimonies before I gave my talk. Putting the jitters aside knowing that I was sharing what the Lord wanted me to, I went with it. (Good thing Dallas gave me that book about better public speaking!) Here is what I had prepared:

Maybe I’m just shortsighted or maybe it’s because I’m only 23, but I haven’t really analyzed my life for deep lessons learned. Most of the lessons I’m learning I’m currently in the middle of. So, I’m going to take you guys on a trip with me. I promise it will end well. 

I joined the church when I was 16 without really knowing anything about the Mormon religion up to the point of my discussions with the missionaries. I recall feelings extremely inadequate compared to members who had been in the church their whole lives. I knew nothing. I felt sad whenever I was left out because I had never been to primary or I didn’t have all the hymns memorized. All the youth were already friends and I was so intimidated by them. But with the convincing of my bishop, the ward mission leader, and the elders I decided to go to Young Women’s. The fact that I knew nothing became more apparent around these youth but that is when I decided that enough was enough. I began to read the New Era online all the time. I dreamed of being like the people in those stories. The people of Ammon were my heroes. When I was introduced to personal progress I was told it would be ok if I didn’t finish it. By that time I was 17. Even though I was looking into college at the time I thought to myself- I am not missing out on one more thing. I worked so hard to finish personal progress.  I know I’m the person I am today because of it. It gave me everything my testimony needed to be nurtured.  I went to youth conference full of zeal. I reread my journal entries and I wrote down everything that was new to me…which was everything. I went to my first girl’s camp a few months after being baptized. My friends decided I needed to attend the temple in Houston and I received my first limited use recommend in 2004. I remember staying up late doing homework and waking up 3 hours later to go to seminary my senior year.  I attended mutual and eventually people began to think I had been a member my whole life.

How was I able to do all of these things when I knew so little to begin with? Looking back I can see that it was most certainly not a talent or strength I had. There was plenty to be afraid of. I was painfully shy and insecure. My family didn’t like when I did church things and told me about their disapproval often. It was the choice I made that empowered me. I chose to listen to the faith I had developed in my Heavenly Father. I chose to believe that he was really watching over me. I didn’t look back. I only moved forward with faith. 

Sometimes life overwhelms me to the point where I lose my ability to act and I become paralyzed with fear. It is easy to give into fear. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like you gave in. It feels more like you were robbed. 

Last September I was hit by a car while biking home from school. I had just sped up down a hill so the impact was pretty significant but a couple girls helped walk me home and I was in shock but I thought I was fine.  Time helped me to realize I was not fine. My short and long term memory took a major blow from my concussion that lasted for a long time.  It was physically painful to think and other health problems followed that weren’t so visible.  All these things happened during a critical time in my life when I was supposed to be preparing for graduation and graduate school. Things did not go as I had planned however.  It seemed like all my dreams were slipping through my fingers including graduating from college.  While I felt I was losing my mind many things fell away from my life. I couldn’t remember appointments I had made and I needed so much sleep that I couldn’t make it to class. I began to just give up and think “well, maybe this is how things are just going to be.” It was easy to justify not doing things. Since I didn’t expect anything from myself other people began to not expect anything from me either. I moved home dejected and hopeless.  I felt like a failure and I thought I had nothing left to contribute. But like I said before, I can be very short sighted.  

While I was here I was given callings that allowed me to work very hard in the ward. I began to see needs and realize I could do something about them.  I chose not to allow my health problems to bring me down anymore and I rejoiced in the progress I made.  There were many fears that came up: maybe I would relapse. Maybe I wasn’t healing like I thought I was and I would just fall on my face. But what is the benefit of listening to these thoughts? I learned how to choose to have faith. When I put forth the mental effort of casting out these fears my faith flourishes. Fears don’t matter because I trust God. He knows my fears are real but I can reject them and choose faith. 

How many times have I allowed things to get out of hand because I thought I had no control over the situation? The beautiful reality is that I can pick myself up and try again. You may think there is nothing you can control in your personal circumstances. This just isn’t true.  There is so much power inside of you. Choose to forgive and choose not to be angry. Choose to have faith that God knows what He is doing and has prepared a way when He asks us to do these things.  

I get caught up from time to time thinking can I really do this? God believes in me. That is really all that matters.

And thus we see from my life, that God never gives up on you. You are given infinite chances to get back up and try again. We also see that you have the ability to choose to get back up. Give into self pity but it is not as fulfilling as choosing faith. It isn’t fulfilling because doubts are crippling. Choose to believe in God and his mercy and you will never be a failure. You don’t need to be a victim of your circumstances. 

God believes in you and He loves you. Choose to stand up again.

In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

Have you ever given a talk that you feel was overwhelmingly a message for you? The Hill Country Stake is amazing. Peace out my brethren I'm headed to Utah in less than 24 hours!